Why Do People Stop Growing?
by Kevin D. Crone
It seems, (which means I don’t know for sure, but this is how I see it from being in the personal and business growth field for all of my adult life), that there are phases we go through in life. If we think back, we can locate the excitement phases: a new job, leaving school, a new project, being a first time parent, being newly married, in a new relationship etc.
We saw opportunity, we were prepared to do whatever it takes, couldn’t wait to get started even though we knew things could be difficult. We had goals, plans, we listened, took notes, and we were in constant action toward creating the life we wanted. We were committed and optimistic and free to act in the moment on behalf of who we wanted to become.
Then, real life issues set in. Mistakes, poor choices, failures, things we didn’t count on happened and we began to enter the doubting phase. We began to react to what was happening rather than staying committed and learning to make things happen. Our emotions became contaminated by these past experiences and we programmed ourselves to repeat them. We began to listen and talk about junk, (which should be thrown out, not stored like all junk) such as world views, which cause constant bedlam and chaos in our lives. We lost some of our ability to differentiate between poison and nectar. We became frustrated and joined in the complaining game. We became less committed to achievement. Many people just flat out live in that place and don’t seem to want to do whatever it takes anymore.
“Is this all there is” phase eventually sets in and we mentally retire, hang in, hang out and try to find relaxation somehow, yet we know something is missing and are somewhat looking for it.
We’re fortunate when we wake up to the fact that we can reinvent ourselves again and again.
We can override the bedlam, rise above the chaos in our minds and become a creative force in our lives everyday, week, month, year and yes, our entire life again. These phases seem to happen over and over.
How do we wake up?
• We get excited about our field, work, family, health and important aspects of our lives. We begin by studying the higher principles of life. Something that gets us questioning our relationship to the world we want and to uncover what’s real. Again, the contaminated self concept we have gotten into in our frustration phase is not us. Translate the information you study into wisdom. Maybe do a journal. Many successful people do this.
• Distance yourself from the beliefs that take you down, your fears, the criticism you get, and get into new conversations, (maybe comment threads on websites) and occasionally step in, and ask questions. Engage with success-minded people, and enter dialogues with the best of the best, find out how they arrived and reflect on what it means to you. Remain on topic, don’t get lost in things like political debates and beliefs. They don’t have to get to you. After all, you can think for yourself and constantly get better.
• Be a student with a beginners mind. Recommit to learning. Set goals. Be humble, you probably know a little about a lot of things. Turn your learning into principles you commit to every day such as reading something inspirational or interesting every morning. Take someone you admire to lunch and ask and listen. Tell your success commitments to others especially those who are paid to lead you. Tell those who love your commitments. As I have been telling clients for many years, “commitment first, answers second.” It’s amazing how fortunate we become when we are committed.
• Watch, observe, and make distinctions in every conversation. Observe your feelings of ego, upsetness, fear etc. If we learn to observe ourselves and not just react, we would be amazed and somewhat alarmed at the way we react, speak and take actions. So choose to live in an uncontaminated world. Be the person you want to be in every conversation rather than a victim.
• Don’t wish for fewer problems – wish for more skills and wisdom.
Do these things and you will constantly get back to the committed-excited phase. If we drag ourselves through these phases enough, we’ll learn to accept life, how it works, and, despite life’s challenges and issues, we can grow into the life we want and choose to live.
What occurred to you this morning?
Can you slow your mind to let some of these principles in?
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