Five Stimulating Agreements We Need to Have With Ourselves
by Kevin D. Crone
Recently I asked a fellow going by my house to check my car brake lights. Vernon and I began to talk about things and discovered we learned similar lessons over the years. It was stimulating and the next thing you know we were really getting into these lessons learned.
For example, as a young engineer, he went to East Asia to seek adventure and while on the job he studied Buddha and Zen related philosophies, classical wisdom paths such as Taoism, history and teachings of early religions, cultures, and success gurus. He did this to figure himself out while building a successful career and family. He wanted to learn how to not get lost in the busy-ness, frustration and disappointment of it all but to always work on being happy while doing what he loves to do.
He learned to quiet his mind, watch and observe his thoughts but not to get overwhelmed so he could see and appreciate all that is really going on, without adding emotional assumptions or fearful, worrying nonsense. He realizes that his world is what he powers up every morning. It’s not the collective chatter we read or hear about on the web, TV or in newspapers. He later learned, from studying the work of Robert Fritz, that he can create the world he wants by clarifying what he wants and comparing it to his current reality. The subsequent, obvious actions create that life and it are in tune with his priorities and the areas of his life that give him meaning. This is in contrast to reacting to problems until he is not sure of how he got to where he is.
It’s always about what you’re creating (not what you’re solving), appreciating who you are, what you do and what you have. This allows you to learn from what really happens on a daily basis in the moment and meaningful actions result – instead of always operating from the past or some view that was created from another time and place. We tend to lay our past views over what we experience, see and listen to and, as a result, we never learn or appreciate life as it really is. We never truly listen because we’re always trying to make our past views true, heard, or validated. In other words, we don’t listen very well and reality and the truth escape us.
I could go on with all the other things we discussed but, in the practical, short term focused business world, we just muddle through the days and can’t always stop to think – really think of topics like these and quickly dismiss them as being too fuzzy to be real and purposeful.
Big questions this Monday –
- Do we seek out meaningful conversations and/or study any more?
- Are we really caught up in the 200 character, text or other digital communication tools to never take anything too deeply
This fuzzy stuff was coming from a successful engineer and business person. Engineers don’t usually like fuzzy thoughts. Everything needs to be plumbed and squared in advance before they begin anything. Wow! A balance between extreme practical and the study of how to create the life you want.
One of the people he studied was Ruiz. He wrote about the four then ultimately five agreements we need to have with ourselves. Here they are in a short form as they are interpreted by me. I have added my own language and lessons learned. It was a nice ending to our interesting conversation.
- Be impeccable with your thoughts, your word. Your language means something. Be clear and don’t participate in the blame game. Take responsibility for what comes out of your mouth. It is not circumstances causing that. Create positive energy with the use of your language and it comes back to you. Your thinking causes your language and ultimately your actions.
- Don’t take anything too personally . Others have their own created world, views, and dreams and that’s where they come from. It has nothing to do with you – even when they yell at you. Avoid arguments and the need to prove you’re right.
- Don’t assume anything. Seek clarity. That which doesn’t add up or is incongruent question it. Ask questions instead of rushing to get your opinions out. They usually aren’t real to what’s really going on anyway. They’re your thoughts and fit your world. Quit expecting people to know what’s in your head. Don’t for a second think you know what’s in theirs. Be clear. Take a stand for what’s possible and important. Don’t gossip. Don’t undermine others.
- Always do your best. That means release the past. Operate as your true self in the moment. You’ll never know what to do until you face reality. Whatever your best is, do it because they’re the right things to do. You’ll enjoy the journey everyday.
- Become a great listener. Learn to listen to what matters to others. Picture in your mind what’s actually going on. Listen to learn. Keep working at it.
So, yesterday I was stimulated by a new friend. It made me wake up to some thoughts about how I can live even better and improve my life. I hope that you let some of this in this morning and it does the same for you.
What did this mentor mean to you? What is now more possible for you?
Have a great week!
Kevin D. Crone
Dale Carnegie Business Group
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